Too Good at Goodbyes
by arcadiaannex
Summary: if you say goodbye enough, you learn to take the goodbyes into your own hands / inspired by 'too good at goodbyes' by sam smith


_**you must think that i'm stupid**_

 _ **you must think that i'm a fool**_

If Regina had learned one thing over the years it was that love was pointless for her. If the Charmings wanted to waltz around, showing off their happy ending, Regina couldn't care less. If Belle and Neal wanted to go on a quest to revive Gold, Regina would wish them the best of luck. If Emma and Henry lived happily ever after without their memories of anything fairytale-related, it would hurt, but at least Regina knew they were both happy. But Regina knew she needed to stop loving people because it had only ever left her hurt. She had finally learned her lesson for good this time.

 _ **you must think that i'm new to this**_

 _ **but i have seen this all before**_

Robin Hood was charming in an annoying way, Regina wasn't going to lie to herself about that. But she also knew there was no way he could ever feel anything for her, and if he did, she needed to stay away. No reason for Robin to get hurt because Regina had dared to get close to someone again. Besides, he had a son and the two made a happy little family that reminded Regina a little too much of her and Henry. No reason for their family to be torn apart like Regina's had.

 _ **i'm never gonna let you close to me**_

 _ **even though you mean the most to me**_

Regina had forgotten what it felt like to fall in love. She didn't realize what was happening to her until it was too late. She hadn't truly fallen in love since Daniel, and that was so long ago that all the warning signs had faded from her memory. She found herself smiling whenever Robin was around and wanting to be around him for no reason at all.

But of course, as soon as Regina realized she was falling for Robin, she knew she could never let anyone know. Not because she was the Evil Queen and love is weakness (though she would let everyone think that) but because she couldn't risk something bad happening to Robin. Every remark Robin made was met with a sassy comeback from Regina but for some reason, arguing like that only made Regina want Robin more.

 _ **'cause every time i open up, it hurts**_

Nightmares were Regina's worst enemy now that they were all in the Enchanted Forest. Regina hated sleeping because of the visions that haunted her at night, but eventually, she couldn't stay awake any longer and sleep came, bringing nightmares with it. Surely people noticed Regina looked like she wasn't getting much sleep, but the one time Snow mentioned it, Regina brushed it off with a bitter comment and a sneer. Snow never bothered her about it again.

The only person who knew about Regina's nightmares was Robin, and it wasn't by Regina's choice. He only found out because Snow had sent him to make sure Regina was okay one morning after she missed breakfast. Robin had found Regina staring blankly ahead, sitting in her bed, looking as if she'd seen a ghost.

 _ **so i'm never gonna get too close to you**_

 _ **even when i mean the most to you**_

Regina's mind was vulnerable enough in that moment that she spilled everything to Robin. She told him about her nightmares and how she only slept when it was absolutely necessary. Somewhere in the back of Regina's mind, she knew this was a bad idea, but at the same time, who else could she tell? Snow would make too big a deal about it as she did with everything. David would have no idea what to do except go get his wife. And no one else even wanted to look at the former Evil Queen.

She told Robin about Henry and about Neverland and Storybrooke. She told him a bit about her days as the Evil Queen, but when Regina got to the root of her nightmares, she froze up. "I had a bad childhood," was all Robin could get out of her. She had a bad childhood. That was an understatement, but it wasn't a lie. It was just enough to end this discussion without Robin getting even closer than he already was, which was already too close.

 _ **in case you go and leave me in the dirt**_

Regina had yet to see the lion tattoo that still haunted her, but she feared for whoever that tattoo belonged to. Hopefully she would never meet the guy because he would only end up dead or worse. Hopefully he was living a happy life somewhere far, far, away from Regina and never know he was the supposed soulmate of the former Evil Queen.

Just another reason Robin could never get too close to Regina. If she opened herself up to love and it wasn't with her soulmate, nothing good could happen. Regina was convinced even _if_ she was with her soulmate it would end in tragedy, so someone who wasn't her soulmate never had a chance.

 _ **but every time you hurt me, the less that i cry**_

 _ **and every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry**_

The day after Regina told Robin a bit about her nightmares, he was acting like nothing had happened between them, which Regina was grateful for. It was also the night of a ball the Charmings had insisted on throwing, which Regina was not grateful for. She sat in the back corner, only there because Snow had forced her, and watched as Robin danced with someone else. But how could she expect him to want to be with her when she knew she needed to push him away? Besides, Regina didn't even know how to dance.

 _ **and every time you walk out, the less i love you**_

 _ **baby, we don't stand a chance**_

Robin was talking with a woman Regina had never seen before and Regina was trying not to stare, but it was hard. Eventually, Regina decided she'd had enough. She stood up and left the ballroom without saying a word.

What she didn't see was Robin watching her leave, wanting nothing more than to follow the Queen. But he stayed behind in the ballroom because he knew Regina wouldn't want that. How could a Queen ever love a lowly thief like himself?

 _ **it's sad but it's true**_

That night, Regina dreamt of Robin. She dreamt that they were together and they were happy and that everything felt right in the world. She finally felt like she had a home. But Regina couldn't even be happy in her dreams, it seemed. Because something tore Robin and Regina apart even there. They were in Storybrooke, for some reason, and the town line ended up between them. Regina woke up on the edge of tears.

 _ **i'm way too good at goodbyes**_

Regina refused to look at Robin during breakfast. The memories of her dream would fill her mind every time she saw him in the corner of her eye, so she stared down at her food, focusing on eating. Her movements were slow, but that was okay, because that meant they required even more of Regina's focus. That meant her thoughts weren't allowed to wander to Robin.

 _ **i'm way too good at goodbyes**_

When breakfast was over, Regina focused on walking. _Move one foot, then move the other. Listen to the sound of your heels as the click against the stone floors._ She didn't see Robin until she bumped into him because she was looked down at the ground.

"Sorry, Milady!"

"It's Your Majesty," Regina growled before she could think of a different way to respond. She had gone on the defense with Robin now because he was getting too close. She wanted to take her words back as soon as she said them, but it was too late now, so Regina kept the glare on her face. She walked past Robin without saying another word, listening to the sound of her shoes as she walked away.

 _ **i know you're thinking i'm heartless**_

 _ **i know you're thinking i'm cold**_

Regina noticed that after that, Robin had stopped looking at her as well. She was back to being the cold-hearted Evil Queen she was when they first met, and it hurt Regina thought he thought that, but she also knew it was for the best. Robin needed to think she was cold and heartless because it was the only way he would stay away from her.

 _ **i'm just protecting your innocence**_

 _ **i'm just protecting your soul**_

Regina's heart was cracked beyond repair, but that didn't mean Robin's had to be as well. Regina's soul was too far from redemption for her to ever be happy, but that didn't mean Robin's soul needed to be doomed as well. Regina's innocence was stolen when she watched her mother kill her fiancé, but Robin didn't need to know how cruel fate was. Yes, Regina wanted to stay away from Robin to protect her heart from another heartbreak. But she also wanted to protect Robin from whatever unpleasant end awaited Robin if he got too close to the Evil Queen.

 _ **i'm never gonna let you close to me**_

 _ **even though you mean the most to me**_

It was fall when Regina saw the tattoo. Five months since they had ended up back in the Enchanted Forest, and Regina was just now seeing the tattoo on Robin's forearm. But to be fair, Robin tended to wear sleeves that covered his arms. He once told Regina it was because he was always cold, but Regina knew that was a lie because Robin often complained about how hot it was outside.

When Regina saw the tattoo, Robin had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and Regina could see that he had faded scars that crisscrossed his arms. _"A run-in with the Dark One,"_ he told her when she asked. She frowned and looked back down at his arms, and there the tattoo was. And suddenly everything made sense. No wonder it was so hard for Regina to stay away from Robin.

 _ **'cause every time i open up, it hurts**_

The fear that had flooded Regina when she was about to go meet him decades ago filled Regina again. Her breath caught in her throat and she froze. Robin gave Regina a confused look, "Are you okay?"

Regina forced herself to answer, "Yes." She was still having trouble breathing, but as long as she focused on making herself breathe, she couldn't focus on the tattoo. She looked away from Robin's arm. "I, uh… have to go." And with that, Regina left.

 _ **so i'm never gonna get too close to you**_

 _ **even when i mean the most to you**_

The word _soulmate_ filled Regina with fear. A soulmate was supposed to be someone you could spend your whole life with, but Regina had been through too much for that. A soulmate was supposed to be someone you would grow old with, but Regina was too smart to expect to grow old with anyone by her side. She'd already accepted her fate of ending up alone. A soulmate that belonged to Regina was out there somewhere with a tattoo of a lion on his forearm and it couldn't be a mistake because pixie dust doesn't lie and it turns out, Regina's soulmate was the exact person she was afraid she was falling for. Go figure.

 _ **in case you go and leave me in the dirt**_

The kiss was soft. It was gentle. It was like a comforting hug from the one person who could make you feel better. When they broke apart, Regina found herself studying Robin's eyes and she wasn't sure why. She should be running far away so Robin wouldn't get hurt more than he was already going to. But instead, she was getting lost in his eyes.

The words _"We can't do this,"_ clogged Regina's throat, but her lips refused to let them escape. She wanted this more than she should, but she knew there was no way this could end well for her or Robin or anyone else in the Enchanted Forest. But Regina wanted to look into Robin's eyes for just a little bit longer.

 _ **but every time you hurt me, the less that i cry**_

 _ **and every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry**_

Regina couldn't forget the taste of Robin's lips or the look in his eyes after they kissed. She had half a mind to mix up a memory potion for herself, but she didn't want to get rid of the memories that comforted her when her nightmares woke her up at night.

But Robin hadn't spoken to Regina since the kiss, and the memories hurt more than they comforted now. To be fair, Regina had pushed him away and didn't expect him to succeed in breaking down her walls again. But it seemed Robin wasn't even trying.

 _ **and every time you walk out, the less i love you**_

 _ **baby, we don't stand a chance**_

Regina had another dream about Robin, but this one certainly counted as a nightmare. A figure cloaked in darkness was holding something the resembled a lightning bolt. He was going to use it to kill Regina, she was sure about that, but she seemed okay with that for some reason. She seemed content. Content right up to the moment when Robin jumped in front of her and the light hit him instead of her. Regina woke up in a cold sweat and tears had actually begun to fall from her eyes this time.

 _ **it's sad but it's true**_

Regina didn't know what to do. She wanted to be with Robin so badly, but she knew better than to fall for that again. She couldn't be happy. It was impossible. Robin could learn to be happy without Regina, and Regina needed that to happen. She couldn't allow this to go on no matter how badly she wanted it. Whether it was doomed to end one of the ways she had seen in her dreams or in some way that was even worse, she didn't know. But she knew they were doomed from the beginning and there was no reason to both both Robin and Roland in danger.

 _ **i'm way too good at goodbyes**_

It took a couple days, but Regina eventually gathered up enough courage to do what she knew she had to. But she needed to see Robin one last time.

 _ **i'm way too good at goodbyes**_

It was hard to not cry as Regina kissed Robin for what she knew would be the last time. It was a goodbye kiss and Robin knew that, but he didn't know all of it. He knew Regina was not emotionally ready for a relationship, and he would respect that. But he didn't know Regina's plan so that she would never be ready for a relationship between her and Robin.

 _ **no way that you'll see me cry**_

 _It's the only way_ , Regina told herself. She took a deep breath and plunged her hand into her chest. Once she removed her heart, all of her feelings for Robin dulled. They were still there, but they weren't as strong. And if Regina's heart stayed out of her chest for long enough, they should be faded enough to ignore completely. It was the only way.

 _ **i'm way too good at goodbyes**_

Robin noticed the difference in Regina immediately, but he didn't say anything. He figured it was because she'd been battling with how to tell him she wasn't ready for a relationship and now that she had, she felt better. He wouldn't have guessed she'd removed her heart. No one would have.

 _ **'cause every time you hurt me, the less that i cry**_

Regina was too good at acting. No one apart from Robin seemed to notice a difference in her and even he had no idea she'd removed her heart. Regina felt better the next time she saw Robin because she knew she'd done the right thing. He was happy with Roland and didn't look at her from across the room. And Regina only felt a small twinge of pain when she saw his happy ending without her in it.

 _ **and every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry**_

The Merry Men left the palace after winter ended. Snow told them they were welcome as long as they wanted and were welcome back whenever they needed a place to stay, but it was clear they felt they'd overstayed their welcome. Regina bid Robin farewell without shedding a tear and she was thankful. Robin didn't need to see her cry over him because that would only make it worse for him. He needed to move on, away from Regina, and they could both just forget about the other.

 _ **and every time you walk out, the less i love you**_

 _"I'll see you again someday, Milady,"_ Robin had promised before he and the Merry Men left. Some part of Regina that could still feel things hoped that was true, but her mind told it that it was best if Robin stayed away. As Regina watched the Merry Men disappear into the forest that surrounded the castle, Regina knew she was going to miss Robin even without her heart. But at least this way, logic would win over her muffled feelings.

 _ **baby, we don't stand a chance**_

Regina carried on with her life as usual once the Merry Men were gone. Snow seemed to be keeping an eye on her, most likely worried Regina was missing Robin. After a week, Snow realized Regina was going to be okay, and things went back to relatively normal. It was much quieter without the Merry Men, Regina noticed. She'd grown used to breakfast being obnoxiously loud.

 _ **it's sad but it's true**_

Somewhere across the land, deep in the forest, Robin still thought about Regina. He thought about how she'd seemed to change overnight and he wondered about it a lot. But he simply didn't have an answer and he knew Regina would never provide him with one, if he ever saw her again. He fully intended to bring the Merry Men back to the palace someday just so he could see the Queen again, but he knew she needed some space for now.

 _ **i'm way too good at goodbyes**_

A Dark Curse was cast before the Merry Men ever returned to the castle, and the next time Regina saw Robin was in Storybrooke. Neither of them could remember the past year. Regina had awoken with her heart out of her chest, but the curse had placed it somewhere unknown even to Regina. She was afraid of telling anyone about it because if she received her memories back and learned it wasn't gone just because of Henry, she would regret it.

When the curse finally did break, the memories of Robin came rushing back to Regina and she realized that when she took her heart out, it hadn't been because of Henry at all. She found her heart in her vault eventually, as she knew she would, but Regina couldn't bring herself to put it back in. No one had noticed a difference as of yet, not even Henry, and Regina couldn't bear to lose Robin. She didn't need her heart to want him and Roland to stay safe.

Regina couldn't ever be fully happy, that was just fact. She at least had Henry now, and she had the knowledge that Robin was safe. Maybe in another life, she'd taken a chance and it had worked out. But it was more likely that Regina had opened herself up to love only to lose it once again. Regina was smart, she knew how this went. It was like a gave she'd finally figured out the cheat code for: Take your heart out and fate can't hurt you anymore.

Regina may not have had Robin, but at least he was alive. And to Regina, that was enough.


End file.
